Well, its Independence day and I have decided to stay home until tonight. All the family has went to the lake but I just couldn’t make myself go, so I have been watching music videos and movies for most of the day. My cousin tried to get me to go out last night but again, I just couldn’t get my ass of out of the house. I have been doing a lot of thinking here lately. My thinking has consisted of work, life, and love and where I will be at 10 years from now. I am seven months from turning the big 30 and realize I have don’t much except work my ass off. The job I have, well I have had since I was 19 and slowly started making my way up the ladder but damn there is always someone who wants to try and push you down. For instance, the department I am over thinks they can push me around. You know, I have let it slide for a while but finally enough was enough. I warned them that if their attitudes didn’t change that they would be wrote up for their actions. Apparently, they thought I was bluffing and pushed too far. He happened to be one of the loudest people and was a jerk to most. Well I took care of that. I have never seen him more quiet. The silence was riveting.
It seems that I haven’t been on a real vacation in about three years. The last vacation I had was down to the gulf of Mexico and the damage from the hurricanes was still there. There were people still living in the f.e.m.a housing and what is worse is that they were surrounded by a fence with only one way in and out. Now what were these people suppose to do if an emergency came up. What did f.e.m.a think was going to happen? That the people were gonna hook up the damn trailers to their cars and haul ass with them. Oh, I don’t know, maybe I am overreacting to that. Oh, I started getting off subject here. The point I was trying to make is that I haven’t had a real vacation. Well on my last vacation I started getting sick. Didn’t know what was causing it but the further south I got (because I was on my way to the Padre Islands) the sicker I got. Didn’t know what was happening till we got on a ferry boat and I passed out. Yes, it was discovered I have started having panic attacks. Not to fun I might add. Especially when you need to get away. I am so going to try this again next spring.
I did however make it a Lonestar concert. I can honestly say that the crowd was not bad at all and I actually felt comfortable. Of course that could have been because of the half bottle of tequila I drank on the way or the 12 beers I had while watching the show. either way it was great. Then my friends and some of my cousins went to a local bar afterwards where I actually got my ass out on the dance floor which I have not done in so long that I was sore the next day. Here are some pics of the concert.
Sorry for the poor quality in the photos but there they are.
Now, the love part.
Love is something that I have decided to not really give up on, but just let it go for now. I can see that it is clearly not for me. I am a selfish workaholic who would rather be at work than anywhere where else. I don’t know why but it is the safest place for me. In my mind anyway. You know, when you have only been with one person both relationship wise and sexually, you don’t really know what is actually out there. The hard thing is, is when you try to get out and see what the world has to offer, the one you gave your heart to tries to stop you even when he knows he doesn’t want you. That is so confusing, you know! I mean I gave this guy my virginity. BIG mistake on my part and at the time I thought it was worth it. I mean I knew the moment we met, that he was the one who would do it. I mean I never wanted sex until him. Of course it took almost a year just to get to sex with us. After spending so much time together, what goes wrong. I have been asking myself that, and asking and asking. I can never get an answer. I guess time is not ready for me to know just quite yet. In due time though I will get the love I so desire and when I do, I just hope I can express how much love I really have to give.
With that said, live like its your last day here on earth, laugh at everything and make some awesome memories, and love hard to let your husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend know how much you love him or her. Everyone needs to hear that they are loved.